Amazing Woman = My Mother

Longest. Week. Ever. Oh wait - it hasn't even been a week yet. So, it all started with the call I have been dreading for years now - Arnold calling to tell me that Mom was in ICU after having to be revived. WHAT?! This wasn't supposed to happen anytime in the near future. Sure I know all the "realities" about MS, but she's always been a miracle, never fit in with the norm. I leave work, get in the car with whatever we could grab and speed home. The whole way I remember thinking that this can't be happening, she'll be ok, she always is, I couldn't believe this was happening. We get to Victoria and I find out Dad had to revoke her DNR, but had since reinstated it and that we basically had no idea what was happening with her, but her fever was over 102 with no signs of decreasing.

So the back story - my mother has had symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis for almost 40 years. It all began with dropping plates while setting the table for dinner when she was about 19 and not knowing she had dropped them until they hit the floor. She went on to marry my Dad, and then in 1979 gave birth to my brother, shortly there after she was officially diagnosed with it and then in 1983 they found out they were having me! Unfortunately while she was pregnant with me she was falling pretty regularly and so they decided for my safety it was time to put her into a wheelchair and she basically never made it out of the chair. Mom has had been an amazing example to anyone who is suffering with something like MS, because she never gave up. She is a fighter to the core. Over the last year or so her health has really deteriorated, she has probably been in the hospital more than she has been out of it. My Dad decided a couple of months ago that he was doing her more harm that good by keeping her at home and after that hospital visit we made the really rough choice to put her in a nursing home.

For anyone who knows me you can imagine how much that tore me apart. Jess and I were trying to figure out if it would be possible to just pick up and move back, but we knew that that was really not a good option for us. We have a life and a home and jobs in Austin, so we were stuck in a really unhappy place. However, the plan was to get her strong enough to be able to handle staying at home with Dad and then bring her home. The hardest part about the whole situation was that she really HATED the nursing home, but we had just run out of options.

So we visited with her - cried a lot during the visits, but they were very limited and she was still running a very high fever and was basically in a coma with a tube down her throat helping keep her airway clear. Poor Arnold was sick with the flu and unable to even come to hospital for fear of getting all of us sick so we were down a very important person. I also found out that Dad revoked the DNR because she was unable to breathe in the ER after they had been moving her around for tests while she was having multiple seizures. The 2nd day of this was Monday - we got up at 5 so we could be at the hospital at 6 for the first visit - things were looking pretty bleak at that point. The doctors had no idea what was causing the fever, it wasn't her bladder as it normally is, and they could not get the fever to come down. At some point in the morning Dad and I were approached by the Palliative Group from the hospital - they are basically hospice for the hospital - they help get information from the doctors and then make suggestions. However, the most important thing we found out from them was that they were certain she was not going to come out of this, to say our goodbyes and come to peace with it because she wanted to be let go when it was her time.

Fast-forward to later that night - my mom's sister Sara (who I was named after), my Uncle Rick, my Grandma, my Aunt Susan and her hubby all came to see her that night. Everyone left and the next visit we talked to the pulmonary doctor who said that basically her throat is so broken down from the MS that she would not live much longer unless we did a tracheotomy at some point in the near future, which we knew she would not want. Dad and I were sitting in the waiting room talking with Aunt Sara when we decided Arnold needed to be a part of the conversation regarding what to do next so we called him and I called Jess - we all talked and decided we had no option but to follow through with what she wanted so we are sitting here and a nurse comes running out of ICU - Mom was having trouble breathing and she needed to know how far we wanted her to go to keep her alive. So we figured that this was her way of making it easy on us and we told them to let her go.

I have never cried so hard in my life. I couldn't handle it so they went in to be with her while Jess and I stayed outside. However, like I said before - my mother is an AMAZING woman who is a fighter. They took off the oxygen and she had trouble, but she fought through it and was breathing better off the oxygen than she had been before. They had told us without the oxygen she would pass away relatively quickly, but she was doing so good that they the only way we could stay with her was to move her to a regular room.

Another amazing thing happened - once she was in the regular room her fever started to drop... slowly, but by the morning it was steady at about 99*. Aunt Sara, Dad and I stayed with her that night, basically just watching her breathe and being shocked by all of it. However, she was still totally out of it and struggling to breathe. After speaking with the dr that morning we took her off the meds she was on because it was a waiting game - she wasn't going to make it, there was no way. We were all at peace with it, knew that it was just her time, but apparently she knew better.

Over the last 2 days she has not been on any meds other than morphine and she has slowly come back to us. She pretty much always remembers Dad, but she doesn't always know me. If you explain to her she seems to understand who we are, but it is still a little hard to know. However, the most amazing thing of all if after days of not talking she is desperate to talk to us - she was able to tell us she wanted "home health at home" which is impossible, but it means one very important thing - she understands what is going on.

Tomorrow we hope to restart her on her meds and see how far she can bounce back. I know that every moment she stays with us is a gift, our fighter decided that she wasn't ready to go and we are going to try to let her make some decisions on her own if she can tomorrow.

I'm at peace with all of it now, I know that whatever happens we are all going to be ok and that she absolutely knows how much I love her and how amazing she is. She still doesn't know who Jake is, but as her memory returns I hope that piece will fit. However, she loves him deep down and he had always been drawn to her even with the little they have been able to interact with each other. I hope that whatever happens, we make the right decisions. I pray that the Lord will clear the way and give peace to all those around her and most importantly to her.

Thanks for all the prayers and support. I'm too tired to go back and read all of this, so if you make it all the way to the end that you will forgive all the spelling/grammer/etc errors.

Missing in action...

I promise that I have not fallen off of the face of the earth... I have been so ridiculously busy that I hardly have time to think straight! Jake is amazing and wonderful - everyday I take one look at him and just can't believe how fantastic he is! Anyways - biggest milestone to date - my little man is crawling!! You have to keep an eye on him because he is also now pulling himself up on EVERYTHING! (not to mention falling backward and banging his head, but he's got to start somewhere) I also started my REAL schedule at Apple, so I am home with him during the day and then work 3-midnight. It is great to have so much time with him again, but hard at the same time because I don't get as much time with Jess. However, all in all I absolutely love it! I LOVE LOVE LOVE working at Apple - the people are all so nice - it is such a wonderful and supportive environment. I feel like I am a major part of Jake's life again - I was missing him so much when I was working days.

On to the less the wonderful things that are going on... well Jake gave us quite a scare by running a really high fever one night a few weeks ago. After having a ton of tests done they determined that he has an issue with reflux of urine in his bladder which caused him to have a bladder infection. We are going to see the Urologist on Tuesday so we should have a plan of action and more details then.

The other major thing is that my mom is now in a nursing home. She just wasn't healthy enough for my dad to be able to take care of her after all the recent hospital stays. I think there is very good chance that she will be able to get strong enough to come home, but a big part of that is up to her. I am seriously worried because she seems to have given up to me - I worry that she thinks this is it for her, which kills me. If you know me at all you know that a nursing home is that LAST place I would ever want my mom to be, but sometimes we can't get what we want. So I'm praying that she will believe us when we tell her that she can go home and that she will find the will to fight for her life. I keep thinking that if she sees Jake enough that she will do it for him, but I have figured out that she has to decide to do it for herself. My heart just breaks for her and for my Dad - he is really acting tough, but I know it has been really hard on him too.

Well I intended this to be a short, quick update and instead I have just unloaded via blog. On that note I am off to bed. I know I say this every post, but I would like to keep this up - so I'm renewing my intention to post regularly!

See you soon blog world.

Working hard or hardly working...

...that is the name of the game in my world these days. I love working at Apple, it is so nice to actually be in a place that people are happy to be here and not everyone is looking for a new job. However, the training can be a little boring - I'm sitting around not doing a whole lot a LOT of the time, but I'm learning and feeling good about the future here.

Jake is adjusting pretty well - I think this is harder on me than it is on him. His sitter is keeping him at our house for now (hopefully forever) so that has made the adjustment a lot easier. At home is where I feel like I'm really working hard these days, just trying to keep everything going and get to bed at a decent hour is a little tough, but I think soon I'll be adjusted and I won't even remember what it was like before - of course then they will probably change my schedule again.

Brittany decided that she wanted to make Jacob's baby food so we spent the weekend trying to figure that out. The first batch was red bell peppers - Jake tried them last night and seemed to dig them, but I think we'll hold off on more of that until he has tried a few more things. I was pretty relieved at how easy it seems to make it yourself. You just boil/steam the fruit or veggies - we had to run the bell peppers through the food processor and then once they were pretty mushy run them through the baby food mill. After the food is good and mushy I pour it into ice trays and freeze them in the deep freeze - pop the cubes out and put it in a freezer bag with what it is and the date. Then I have neat little pre-portioned servings and I pop a couple into little tupperware containers and put them in the fridge to thaw. I don't think there is anything wrong with the jar food, but with Brittany's help I think we can save some money and we know exactly what he is getting. We'll see!!

Jacob is scooting around pretty well these days - not quite crawling, but making me have to think about baby-proofing - AHHHH!!!

Stay tuned for pics...

Goodbye Home Depot... Hello APPLE!

Tomorrow is my last day working at the Home Depot and I could not be happier! I am thankful for that fact that when I was 4 months pregnant and in need of a job I was able to get one without any trouble at depot, but after months of drama and trouble I am so glad to be starting fresh somewhere. I will be starting at Apple on Friday as a "Mac Expert" in sales. I CAN'T wait!! There will be a month of training and then I'll be taking incoming calls trying to sell sell sell! I don't know my schedule quite yet - it is going to fluctuate some over the next few months, but soon I'm sure it will all settle and I will be working in a place where the employees are appreciated! I am going back to full time work - so I am going to miss my sweet little boy, but in the long run this will be much better for our family. So I only have to work 6 more hours for depot and then they can kiss my butt goodbye!

Crazy Busy Month!

It has been one heck of a month!! We spent weeks preparing for our 4th of July party - which thanks to all of Jess' hard work went really great! We had fajitas, fireworks and a ton of fun!!






Jake has been busy growing! At his 4 month appt he was about 18 and half lbs and 26 inches long - off the charts! Right after he turned 4 months I walked into his room in the middle of the night and discovered him on his tummy! He has been rolling over ever since!

That is how I found him!! ^^




Jake saw his first train! Aunt Nancy took the amtrak to California and we took her to the station - it was really neat once the train finally got there!




Jess and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary June 25th - we decided to check out the Watermelon Thump in Luling to celebrate and boy was is HOT!! We only lasted a couple of hours and then headed home.

Last year this time - just a few days before my birthday we found out that we were pregnant. I remember thinking at the time that I could not believe that it was finally happening - we had tried for so long and then given up, but then it happened completely unexpectedly. Boy oh boy has life changed over the past year! Pregnancy...let's just say it was not my FAVORITE thing ever... ok I was miserable! Then we got our little miracle and he never stops amazing me. He is almost 4 months now - has cut is first 2 teeth - is over 18 lbs - laughs and smiles constantly - has just found his feet (which are a constant amazement to him)... So I could not be happier to be turning 26 today - I think this is going to be a GREAT year!

Teeth! If you look really close you can kinda see the first one! :)




Jacob on Memorial Day



Playing with Daddy on 6/7/09

time flies...

...when your having fun. Or when you are watching your baby boy grow up too fast. Tonight we put him to bed in his own room. For a while now I've been saying we were going to do it, but I kept putting it off because I just wasn't ready to have him down the hall. However, I know in the long run it'll be better this way - we won't have to fight to get him into a routine when he's older if we have a good one now. So we gave him bath, Lollie read him a bedtime story over the webcam, he ate and passed out, then Daddy carried him upstairs and put him to bed. Of course I had to check the monitor and watch him sleep for a while - and of course take pictures of this important event - and now he is sound asleep in his own bed.



We are still working in the backyard - Jess just finished building a planter box on the front of the deck and it is really starting to shape up.





Today Jess sent me flowers at work and the card read simply "just because"... how sweet is he??




My first Mother's Day was great, we spent it in Victoria with the family. We ended up having Mother's Day with my Mom at the hospital, but it was fun - we are really good at making the best of a not so great situation. Jake had a ton of fun all day visiting with all the family - he had so much that he really did not want to ride back to Austin that night, which made our trip home rough, but we survived it!







Oh and I think Jacob is working on a tooth! It hasn't popped through yet, but he's been fussy, drooling, putting everything in his mouth - including his hands - CONSTANTLY! So wish us luck.



until next time...